I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize