Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Damn victory sex feels great
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
