Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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