Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
