Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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