this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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