Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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