i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
soo... how was my night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
