ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
