Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
