Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
