STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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