why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
