I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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