Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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