Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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