can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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