The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
