Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
