Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
