he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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