I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
