I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
