Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
