I think my vagina is haunted
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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