i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
