I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
