; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just cropdusted the office
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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