i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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