On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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