Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
