Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
