i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
