maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
