Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize