I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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