opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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