reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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