Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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