I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize