Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
