I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
