So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
