I need to stop coming to work sober
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will pee on everything he values.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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