How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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