My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
