just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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