I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
