no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
