You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
