I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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