I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize