dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
