dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
