Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
