she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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