I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
