YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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