I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
