I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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