I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
