My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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