I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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