quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
